My whole family fears death and kind of hangs on to the hope that they will be the one to live forever. I am by no means fearless but I know and accept I will die and that those I love might die at any moment. I used to make myself imagine holding Angel in my arms dying or walking up to Floyd's casket to say my goodbyes. In my darker hours, these were happy thoughts compared to what was racking my brain. Right now I can sit and imagine all those people in Sri Lanka dead. As far as the eye can see bodies slow rotting in the sun, bloated from drowning. Men, women, infants, all being mourned by those that loved them so dearly in this life. Their cries filling my head till it wants to break from the sorrow.
I don't mean to get all gothy but this is what I think about for some portion of the day. Death seems like a nice release from living in this screwed up world. Death is inevitable. Death is a necessary part of life. I will miss my family if they go and I might shed tears but I honestly don't know.
I don't mean to get all gothy but this is what I think about for some portion of the day. Death seems like a nice release from living in this screwed up world. Death is inevitable. Death is a necessary part of life. I will miss my family if they go and I might shed tears but I honestly don't know.
Maybe my problem is that I jaded myself with overloads of sorrow, or maybe my view that physical death is not a complete end makes me different, or maybe I am just a cold heartless bastard who won't cry for anyone but himself. Maybe my faith, which clings to my filthy little, broken down, worn out, see-through soul like a chinchilla in the wind, gives me the only peace I know in this world. The pain of this life will end eventually.
this is why i don't like being sober.
this is why i don't like being sober.
